For most of my life I’ve found it very difficult to tell people no. No matter how busy I might be, I seem to always want to help my friends or family if they need something done. When I was in college I discovered the hard way that saying no is sometimes the right thing to do.

Back in the dark ages before computers, we used these large bulky and noisy devices called typewriters. I had come to college with a nice electric one and I made it a point to get my papers done early so that I would not have to stay up late the night before, unlike so many of my fellow classmates. Toward the end of the first semester of my freshman year, I was quite proud of myself for having my paper for biology class done a week early. I congratulated myself on how I’d get a good night’s sleep while I listened with little empathy to the other students moaning about how they were going to have to pull “all nighters” in order to get their papers done.

One of my classmates had asked me to type up his biology paper for him. I offered this to my friends for a nominal fee, far below the going rate, more as a favor than as a means for generating income. He assured me he’d have the paper to me early in the afternoon a day before it was due. I typed fast, so it wouldn’t take me much more than an hour, if that, to type up his ten page paper, with footnotes and bibliography.

Unfortunately, I discovered that this particular friend was a procrastinator. He gave me the first four pages of his handwritten paper about eight o’clock the night before it was due, assuring me as he gave them to me that he’d have the rest to me within an hour.

Hah.

His optimistic pronouncement was inaccurate. Instead, he delivered the paper to me a page at a time, dropping off the last sheet about four in the morning.

Instead of getting a good night’s sleep, I very nearly ended up pulling a dreaded “all nighter,” catching an hour here and there as I awaited each page’s delivery.

From then on, for any future papers, I insisted that he give me the entire thing, not page by page—and he had to have it in to me by six PM the night before it was due or I simply wouldn’t type it for him. I had learned to say no, at least to him, from that night on.

He actually didn’t ask me to type papers for him very often, as a consequence. But I got a lot more sleep.

The lesson to sometimes say no didn’t really stick. After college, I’ve generally said yes to my friends and family members who request help from me. I’ve frequently helped people move, a task that I positively despise, whether it is moving an entire house or just helping someone relocate a refrigerator. I’ve helped people install various electronic gadgets, from televisions to stereo systems to new computers. I’ve even built new computers or cobbled together machines from random scattered parts.

A few years ago, I helped my wife’s parents do some more renovations on their house, which included installing new ceramic tiles in their bathroom and laundry room. One very long weekend, I pulled up the old linoleum in their upstairs bathroom in preparation for eventually installing tile in it. That same weekend I also replaced the corroded valves under their bathroom sink, and I replaced the old sink with a nice new one. This required removing the old sink, its pipes and its faucets. Then I had to cut the opening in the fake marble top to accommodate the new sink, since it was a couple inches bigger around than the old sink. I quickly found myself and the bathroom coated with white plastic dust.

Much of the weekend’s labor consisted of trying to find the parts and tools in my in-laws’ messy garage, or making trips to Home Depot to pick up what they hadn’t already purchased. Late that Sunday night, still dirty and smelly, I finally left for home just moments after I had finished with the sink. I had a two hour drive ahead of me.

Within moments of walking through my front door–still coated with white plastic dust and wanting nothing more than to take a shower–the telephone rang.

On the other end of the phone was a friend who was having trouble with her computer: it had gotten infected with a bit of malware that was blocking her ability to install a new anti-virus program. I spent about a half hour on the phone diagnosing things and finally told her to bring it by in the morning. This despite the fact that at the time I was under deadline for a book. Only then, did I finally get my shower.

Monday morning, after about an hour’s work, I was able to solve her problem and get rid of the virus in her computer.

If I know I can fix something, or do something, to help someone, I’m generally not willing to say no. Besides, I still managed to work on my book and I remained on schedule. Despite rarely telling people no, I still somehow always get my own work done on time. Showers and sleep, however, are another thing. Perhaps someday I’ll learn to say no. Probably about the time I learn how to overcome feeling guilty from knowing I could help someone and then turning them down.

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