The word of the LORD came to me: “What do you people mean by quoting this proverb about the land of Israel:

“ ‘The parents eat sour grapes,
and the children’s teeth are set on edge’?

“As surely as I live, declares the Sovereign LORD, you will no longer quote this proverb in Israel. For everyone belongs to me, the parent as well as the child—both alike belong to me. The one who sins is the one who will die.

“Suppose there is a righteous man
who does what is just and right.
He does not eat at the mountain shrines
or look to the idols of Israel.
He does not defile his neighbor’s wife
or have sexual relations with a woman during her period.
He does not oppress anyone,
but returns what he took in pledge for a loan.
He does not commit robbery
but gives his food to the hungry
and provides clothing for the naked.
He does not lend to them at interest
or take a profit from them.
He withholds his hand from doing wrong
and judges fairly between two parties.
He follows my decrees
and faithfully keeps my laws.
That man is righteous;
he will surely live,
declares the Sovereign LORD.

“Suppose he has a violent son, who sheds blood or does any of these other things (though the father has done none of them):

“He eats at the mountain shrines.
He defiles his neighbor’s wife.
He oppresses the poor and needy.
He commits robbery.
He does not return what he took in pledge.
He looks to the idols.
He does detestable things.
He lends at interest and takes a profit.

Will such a man live? He will not! Because he has done all these detestable things, he is to be put to death; his blood will be on his own head.

“But suppose this son has a son who sees all the sins his father commits, and though he sees them, he does not do such things:
“He does not eat at the mountain shrines
or look to the idols of Israel.
He does not defile his neighbor’s wife.
He does not oppress anyone
or require a pledge for a loan.
He does not commit robbery
but gives his food to the hungry
and provides clothing for the naked.
He withholds his hand from mistreating the poor
and takes no interest or profit from them.
He keeps my laws and follows my decrees.

He will not die for his father’s sin; he will surely live. But his father will die for his own sin, because he practiced extortion, robbed his brother and did what was wrong among his people. (Ezekiel 18:1-18)

You are not being punished for the sins of your parents; there is no such thing as a generational curse. I suppose that if your parents were drug users and in and out of jail, poor, homeless, and you didn’t always get fed, that you are, in that way, suffering on account of your parents. But that’s just the circumstances you happen to be in—the natural consequences of your parents’ bad choices. It is not God’s judgment on you. God does not hate you. You are not being punished. You are not bound by your parents’ choices, nor do you have to repeat what they have done. Each person is punished for what they do, not for what other people do. Your suffering, if you are suffering, is a consequence of collateral damage, not God’s judgment on you.

Likewise, you are not your children. They are free and will do what they will; they will make their own choices, and their choices will not always be the best. But that’s on them, not on you, nor is it a reflection on you or your parenting. God is not responsible for the choices that Adam and Eve, or their descendants have individually made. So why should you think you’re responsible for your children’s choices? That is their doing—and our doing. We did not always choose wisely; don’t be surprised that your children aren’t always choosing wisely, either.

Your job as a parent is to always be there for your children and to love them. You are not to blame, and you do not have the power to shield them from their bad choices or the consequences of them. You do not have the power to make other people conform to your desires.

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