If you were coming in the Fall,
\nI\u2019d brush the Summer by
\nWith half a smile and half a spurn,
\nAs Housewives do a Fly.<\/p>\n
If I could see you in a year,
\nI\u2019d wind the months in balls\u2014
\nAnd put them each in separate Drawers,
\nFor fear the numbers fuse\u2014<\/p>\n
If only Centuries, delayed,
\nI\u2019d count them on my Hand,
\nSubtracting, till my fingers dropped
\nInto Van Diemen\u2019s Land.<\/p>\n
If certain, when this life was out\u2014
\nThat yours and mine, should be
\nI\u2019d toss it yonder, like a Rind,
\nAnd take Eternity\u2014<\/p>\n
But, now, all ignorant of the length
\nOf this, that is between,
\nIt goads me, like the Goblin Bee\u2014
\nThat will not state\u2014it\u2019s sting.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n
\tAt the moment, I feel as if all I\u2019m doing is waiting. My wife is a public school teacher. After years of suffering pay cuts amounting to more than fifteen percent\u2014not factoring in inflation\u2014along with significant increases in the cost of our health insurance (it doubled, jumping by five hundred dollars per month in the past four years) she is finally getting a three and a half percent raise, retroactive to June, 2013. Her so-called union negotiated the pay raise in November. We have yet to see any change in her monthly pay. Likewise, no retroactive check has arrived, either. It\u2019s all \u201cin the mail.\u201d Of course, the local school board did not approve the pay hike until January 20th of this year\u2014and then they have to inform the county, which is who actually provides the funds the local district uses for paying its teachers. So we\u2019ll be waiting a bit more.<\/p>\n
\tFebruary is the month I do our family\u2019s taxes\u2014and so once I\u2019m done with those later this week, then I\u2019ll get to\u2026wait for our tax refund. Given the state of our finances, that cannot come too soon.<\/p>\n
\tIn August, the publisher to which I\u2019d sent a science fiction novel I\u2019d written snagged it from their slush pile and sent it on to the editor for \u201cfurther examination.\u201d Since less than one percent of submissions make it out of the slush pile (the other 99 plus percent are simply rejected), that was certainly good news. I\u2019d been waiting since the beginning of February 2013 to hear from them. Of course now I\u2019ve been waiting additional five months to find out if that \u201cfurther examination\u201d will result in a contract or a rejection. <\/p>\n
\tWaiting is hard. Dickenson\u2019s point in her poem was that waiting might not be so bad if one knew when the waiting would end. With a tax refund, the IRS and the tax preparation software I use give me a fair idea of when to expect the refund\u2014and I find waiting for something I know is good isn\u2019t as difficult, anyhow. It\u2019s kind of like waiting for Christmas morning. Waiting still isn\u2019t fun, but you know the outcome will be good and you know when to expect the resolution. So, as Dickenson suggests, you can endure that kind of waiting.<\/p>\n
\tBut if you\u2019re waiting for something where you don\u2019t know the when\u2014and you don\u2019t know if it will be good news or bad? Well, Dickenson didn\u2019t much care for that sort of experience\u2014and I don\u2019t know anyone else who does.<\/p>\n
\tI could go on about how interminable delay is an ordinary occupational hazard of being an author and how one simply has to get used to it. But being \u201call ignorant of the length\u201d is not unique to authors. Every human being has to wait unknowingly: the high school senior who has applied to college wondering if she\u2019s been accepted. The job applicant fretting about how his interview went. The politician awaiting election returns.<\/p>\n
\tIf you get sued, you wonder when it will end. You wonder whether the outcome will be favorable or unfavorable. When our children were still only with us in foster care, we wondered if we\u2019d be able to adopt them or not. We waited for years\u2014until things finally resolved as we hoped. <\/p>\n
\tIf you become ill, you await the outcome of your tests: is it malignant or benign? Can it be treated? How long will that treatment take? It\u2019s all uncertainty on top of uncertainty.<\/p>\n
\tThe poet Dickenson merely describes the human condition. She does not provide a solution. Knowing that everyone suffers the \u201cbetween\u201d just the same is somewhat comforting, I suppose. No one likes to be alone. But waiting, like any kind of suffering, still goads \u201clike the Goblin Bee.\u201d<\/p>\n
![](\"https:\/\/nettelhorst.com\/blog1\/wp-content\/plugins\/send-to-kindle\/media\/white-15.png\")
Send to Kindle<\/span><\/div>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"Recently my youngest daughter had to study some of Emily Dickinson\u2019s poetry. Her poems tend to be short, and one that I found particularly appropriate to my current state of mind was If you were coming in the Fall: If … Continue reading