Chapter One <\/strong><\/center><\/p>\n
\tShoving his hands in his pockets, he shambled away. His breath left great puffs of steam in the air, as snowflakes swirled. The air was cold and harsh against his lungs. He didn\u2019t know which bothered him more, the fact that he couldn\u2019t afford a meal at a simple fast food restaurant, or that he was alone and had no hope of the sort of life he could witness through that window.<\/p>\n
\tHis feet shuffled, kicking at the slush; his toes were cold and wet, and they hurt. He\u2019d need to get to the mission soon or he might get sick or have frostbite. His nose hurt too, and so did his cheeks.<\/p>\n
\tHe swallowed hard, fighting back a sudden urge to cry, and stumbled more quickly toward the corner. The light was red; he punched the button and waited for it to change.<\/p>\n
\t\u201cCold enough for you?\u201d<\/p>\n
\tHe jumped, startled by the voice.<\/p>\n
\t\u201cWhat?\u201d he looked around, expecting to find two people involved in a conversation; instead, all he saw was a single face, dark brown eyes gazing serenely at him. He looked behind him, but no one was there. \u201cDid you say something?\u201d Then added quickly, \u201cI\u2019m sorry.\u201d He punched the button again.<\/p>\n
\t\u201cNasty weather; way too cold. I don\u2019t like the cold.\u201d The voice was cheerful.<\/p>\n
\t\u201cYou\u2019re talking to me?\u201d he asked.<\/p>\n
\t\u201cUm, yeah. Not talking to myself, at least I hope not.\u201d The mouth below the brown eyes twisted up into a delightful smile, revealing perfect, straight white teeth. He let his eyes wander from that smile, up to the nose, then over to the ears, mostly hidden by thick dark hair. The woman to whom all these things were a part, was absolutely stunning. Even when he was working in the library and still had a real life, he would never imagine she might actually be talking to him. Now, in his homeless condition, it made even less sense.<\/p>\n
\t\u201cYeah, it\u2019s really cold. My feet are frozen, my nose is frozen. I can\u2019t get warm.\u201d<\/p>\n
\t\u201cI feel that way, too. A hot cup of coffee would sure help just now, eh?\u201d<\/p>\n
\t\u201cWhat I wouldn\u2019t give for that\u2026\u201d he muttered, mostly to himself.<\/p>\n
\t\u201cYou headed for that Del Taco?\u201d she asked, chin indicating a fast food place on the other side of the street. <\/p>\n
\tThe light finally turned green.<\/p>\n
\t\u201cUh, I\u2026\u201d he began.<\/p>\n
\t\u201cI\u2019m kind of hungry too,\u201d she said. \u201cHow about you?\u201d<\/p>\n
\t\u201cWhat?\u201d he stared at her.<\/p>\n
\t\u201cMy treat.\u201d Her eyes were merry, and her mouth was still smiling.<\/p>\n
\tHe just stared at her eyes; they were the most lovely eyes he had ever seen in his life, and surely he was dreaming. He was a homeless bum, and no one paid any attention to guys like him. Certainly not someone with eyes like that.<\/p>\n
\tBut she walked with him across the street, and opened the door to let him into the restaurant. And she pointed at the menu, and asked him what he wanted and she cheerfully ordered two large steak burritos and the biggest cup of coffee that they offered, which included free refills. That was the best thing about fast food places; if you could just get the money together, they would give you free refills for as long as you stayed in the building. Of course, you had to be careful not to overstay; he\u2019d found that after much more than an hour, he started getting dirty looks from the employees. No one had tossed him out of a place yet, but he had never pushed his luck. Like if he visited the library. He stayed in the back, and he avoided any of the employees and always stayed awake; the library was warm, and he could read, and that could make a day go by pretty well. And no one bothered him. Even the staff that might remember him from before, when he had worked there\u2014they didn\u2019t bother him. They never said \u2018hi\u2019, either; maybe they didn\u2019t recognize him anymore, not with the beard and the bad clothes, and the bad smell, and besides, they might be embarrassed, not know what to say. What did you say to an ex-collegue, anyhow? What could you talk about? What wouldn\u2019t make him unhappy or upset him? He knew what ran through their minds. It\u2019s what would run through his mind if the tables were turned.<\/p>\n
\tHe sat down in a booth, cradling the cup of coffee between his hands as if it were a delicate bauble of infinite worth. He brought it slowly to his lips and let the heat sink down his throat and into the middle of his body. It radiated outward. Even his toes seemed less chilled now.<\/p>\n
\t\u201cHere you go,\u201d said the woman with the pretty brown eyes, setting the tray of food on the table, and then sliding in next to him.<\/p>\n
\tNext to him? He slid away, toward the far corner of the booth, startled beyond words.<\/p>\n
\t\u201cI can\u2019t tell you how hungry and cold I was,\u201d she said. \u201cI\u2019m so glad I ran into you.\u201d She was still smiling, hands busy lifting the food from the tray, distributing her plate of nachos and his burritos as if they were the oldest and best of friends. She pulled the lid off her own cup of coffee and made a satisfied sigh after a long drink.<\/p>\n
\t\u201cWhat could be better, eh?\u201d<\/p>\n
\t\u201cUm, yeah\u2026\u201d Pealing off the top of the paper wrapper on his burrito, he took a bite, half expecting to find it laced with glass or poison, but instead, it was both hot and exactly what a burrito was supposed to be. \u201cThis was very kind of you,\u201d he managed, swallowing first before speaking.<\/p>\n
\t\u201cYou looked like you needed a friend,\u201d she said simply. \u201cI saw how you were staring into that McDonalds.\u201d She paused. \u201cBut I like Del Taco better.\u201d As if that explained everything. \u201cMy name\u2019s Alyssa White.\u201d She held out her hand. \u201cWhat\u2019s yours?\u201d<\/p>\n
\tHe gripped her hand automatically and gave it a perfunctory shake. But she didn\u2019t release her hand right away; instead, she squeezed it gently and then let his hand go slowly.
\n\u201cPeople call me Mudge,\u201d he finally managed.<\/p>\n
\u201cI didn\u2019t ask what people called you. What\u2019s your name?\u201d Her eyes bored into him with an intensity that only added to his discomfort and confusion.<\/p>\n
\u201cDrew Mudgeford,\u201d he said reluctantly. It made him uncomfortable to use his own name, as if he were no longer worthy of it. But once it left his mouth, it was as if a cork had popped. Words began pouring out, making their way around the bites of his food and sips from his coffee. Mudge couldn\u2019t stop; the words just gushed, an embarrassing torrent, revealing his soul. <\/p>\n
When he finally ran out of words, he felt his face reddening in embarrassment. That wasn\u2019t the sort of stuff to tell a stranger, especially not a beautiful stranger. But a homeless bum who hadn\u2019t bathed in a week, wearing the same unwashed clothes for days and days was not exactly the sort of person who was ever going to get lucky, so what did it matter if he was a bore on top of everything else?<\/p>\n
\t\u201cYou\u2019ve had a difficult time of it; but I suspect you won\u2019t be down forever.\u201d<\/p>\n
\t\u201cI used to think that,\u201d mumbled Mudge, finishing the last of his by now cold burrito; he\u2019d been so busy talking that he\u2019d forgotten to eat. <\/p>\n
\t\u201cIt\u2019s only reasonable that you\u2019d be discouraged.\u201d<\/p>\n
\tHe nodded. She smiled at him and stood up, wiping her mouth with a napkin. \u201cDon\u2019t give up hope.\u201d And she patted him on the shoulder, gathered up her trash, and left the restaurant. He felt the chill as a gust of wind swirled in through the momentarily opened door.<\/p>\n
\tHe looked down into his coffee cup and tried to figure out how much more time he could spend in the restaurant before they\u2019d chase him out. Probably he could get one more refill. He stood slowly and hobbled toward the counter. <\/p>\n
\tMudge stared down at the thin and watery soup, barely warmed above the temperature of his skin and wondered that he should be so thankful for so little; hours had passed since his unexpectedly good lunch.<\/p>\n
\t\u201cMet a pretty woman today,\u201d he murmured, spooning the broth into his mouth.<\/p>\n
\t\u201cWhat was that, Mudge?\u201d Lacky looked up from his bowl and frowned at him. <\/p>\n
\t\u201cOh, nothing,\u201d said Mudge. Lacky grumbled to himself and went back to slurping his soup.<\/p>\n
\tThe Palmdale Rescue Mission was an old, ramshackle structure, older than anyone could say. The gray stone walls were flaked here and there with green and gold mildew. The air had the sour, musty resonance of an always-wet basement. If he hadn\u2019t known better, he\u2019d have suspected the building of being a converted dungeon. Iron grates covered the dirty windows that poked through the wall near the ceiling, which hung perhaps a dozen feet above his head. Fluorescent tubes glowed and flickered, blackened ends murmuring antiquity. Mudge wasn\u2019t the only one sucking on the dregs; obviously the Rescue Mission itself could stand a little rescuing.<\/p>\n
\tBut who bothered to give money to support the failures of society when one could take the same cash and buy oneself new clothes or a new car or a new bit of electronic stupefaction?<\/p>\n
\tLacky burped suddenly, a low, bass rumble that reverberated against the stones. Lacky was old, too, perhaps not such an antique as the Rescue Mission, but definitely an object whose time had long since passed him by. Perhaps, if Lacky had been a car, he might have been considered a classic. As a human being, however, he was simply old.<\/p>\n
\tAnd who said humanity\u2019s values weren\u2019t skewed?<\/p>\n
\t\u201cExcuse yourself,\u201d commented Mudge.<\/p>\n
\tLacky barely grunted in response.<\/p>\n
\tAnd Mudge? He glanced around the room. Sure enough, he was the youngest one there, by at least a factor of two. His hair was long and unkempt, but unlike those slurping so noisily around him, at least it was all still on top of his head and none of it had yet turned gray\u2014not that the stress of the last few months hadn\u2019t probably shortened the time before it would start turning gray. He still had all his teeth, too; even if he was lucky now to brush them once a week.<\/p>\n
\tThe last of his soup disappeared into his mouth and he swallowed with a loud gulp. He wiped his mouth with one sleeve of his jacket, barely noticing the crust there from the countless times before that he had so wiped. No one would ever mistake him for anything other than what he was: a homeless bum.<\/p>\n
\tIt hadn\u2019t always been that way. Last year\u2014had it really been a year now? He blinked, wondering how it could be so long. He shook his head. Back then he had been an assistant librarian at the central library, and he had slept in a nice little two room apartment not but a block away. He\u2019d eaten three good meals a day, then, and he\u2019d had hot showers every day and every day he\u2019d brushed his teeth twice.<\/p>\n
\tBut one day Mayor Bowman decided that the city government had to cut back on expenses, and the library had been his first attack. Mudge had been let go, along with a half dozen other assistants. Overnight, his life had turned to mush. No money, so he couldn\u2019t afford a place to live; no money, so he couldn\u2019t afford any food, and no money, so now he hung out at the Rescue Mission and slept on the floor when there was room.<\/p>\n
\tHe\u2019d have gotten another job, if he could have, but there didn\u2019t seem to be any that would take him; and now, if he showed up at a job interview dressed like he was, smelling like he did\u2014what chance did he have?<\/p>\n
\tIt would seem as if he had joined the ranks of the permanently unemployed and unemployable. Mudge vaguely wondered how long before he turned to crime…<\/p>\n
\t\u201cYou ever seen a wizard?\u201d The question came out of nowhere. Lacky was staring at him with his piercing black eyes, a note of intensity that Mudge couldn\u2019t remember seeing on his face before.<\/p>\n
\t\u201cWhat did you say?\u201d<\/p>\n
\t\u201cYou heard me.\u201d<\/p>\n
\t\u201cWhat the hell you talking about?\u201d<\/p>\n
\t\u201cYou heard me.\u201d<\/p>\n
\t\u201cOf course I\u2019ve never seen a wizard. Except in Disney cartoons.\u201d<\/p>\n
\t\u201cI seen one.\u201d<\/p>\n
\t\u201cYou don\u2019t say?\u201d No one could accuse Lacky of having all his oars in the water at any one time. He\u2019d probably take it as an insult, even. But this seemed a bit extreme, even for him.<\/p>\n
\t\u201cYou don\u2019t believe me.\u201d<\/p>\n
\t\u201cLacky, I don\u2019t believe you\u2019re lying to me. Despite everything, you\u2019re not a liar.\u201d<\/p>\n
\t\u201cThank you. And you\u2019re not a crook.\u201d<\/p>\n
\t\u201cI mean, I\u2019m sure you believe…\u201d<\/p>\n
\t\u201cWhat would you call a tally skinny fellow, sharply dressed in a dark suit, with a hat\u2014the kind you\u2019d see in an old black and white film\u2014who spoke a handful of words and made a car appear.\u201d<\/p>\n
\t\u201cA doorman\u2014calling for a taxi.\u201d<\/p>\n
\t\u201cNot like that.\u201d Lacky was starting to get irritated. Mudge decided he\u2019d better back off. He\u2019d never seen Lacky irritated before, and considering how much booze he still had in him this morning, it was probably best not to rile him. Mudge suspected Lacky would be a mean drunk.<\/p>\n
\t\u201cSo you saw a guy snap his fingers and a car just appeared out of thin air.\u201d<\/p>\n
\t\u201cHe didn\u2019t snap his fingers, he talked, and it showed up.\u201d<\/p>\n
\t\u201cWhat did he say?\u201d<\/p>\n
\t\u201cI\u2019m not going to tell you.\u201d<\/p>\n
\tMudge lifted a lone eyebrow. \u201cThat\u2019s useful.\u201d<\/p>\n
\t\u201cNo, I think the priest would get mad if I put a car in his building. How would he get it out? I just know how to make a car appear, not how to make it disappear.\u201d<\/p>\n
\t\u201cYou can make a car appear out of thin air? I thought you said this guy…\u201d<\/p>\n
\t\u201cYou\u2019re not listening to me, are you? You thinking I\u2019m nuts and stupid. I know how you are, always looking down on me and everyone else even though you\u2019re no better than the rest of us, even if you have been to college. You\u2019re homeless and on the streets and that make you same as me.\u201d<\/p>\n
\t\u201cBut you said.\u201d<\/p>\n
\t\u201cYou know what I said. I seen this guy make a car appear. I heard what he said. Now, if I say them same words, I make a car appear, too.\u201d Lacky made a face. \u201cYou fool, ain\u2019t you heard nothing I said?\u201d
\n\tMudge swallowed hard. His bowl was empty, and so was his coffee cup. He\u2019d really rather go get another cup of coffee than listen to Lacky\u2019s delusions. But he couldn\u2019t help himself, he stayed right where he was, and even said something that wasn\u2019t a put down: \u201cSo you can make a car appear?\u201d<\/p>\n
\t\u201cYep, already did it.\u201d<\/p>\n
\t\u201cWhere is it?\u201d<\/p>\n
\t\u201cRight out front. Had a full tank of gas, too, which was real convenient.\u201d<\/p>\n
\t\u201cWhat kind of car…\u201d<\/p>\n
\t\u201cOh, didn\u2019t I say? It\u2019s a 57 Chevy. Black. Real fine looking automobile, man. Real fine.\u201d He paused. \u201cOnly kind of car I can make. Seem to be able to pop them out any time I please, as often as I please. Made twenty of them, actually. All exactly alike, down to the keys and the mileage.\u201d<\/p>\n
\tMudge just stared.<\/p>\n
\t\u201cThought you might like one. After I\u2019m done eating, I can show you.\u201d<\/p>\n
\tMudge encouraged Lacky to finish up quickly. Not that he really believed him, but\u2014he was curious what it was that Lacky thought he was doing. Mudge had always had a fondness for psychology and he wondered how delusions worked and how a fellow might respond when confronted with the fact that his delusion wasn\u2019t real. So, okay, Mudge was a bit of a sadist, at least when it came to Lacky. Why he hung around him all the time, he couldn\u2019t fathom. They had nothing in common, and the man rarely made even as much sense as he was making now. It was rather surprising to find out that he recognized a classic automobile when he imagined one.<\/p>\n
\t\u201cI know you\u2019re just humoring me, man,\u201d said Lacky as they crunched down the front steps of the Rescue Mission. Last night\u2019s dusting of snow covered the blackened iciness of last week\u2019s partly melted blizzard. \u201cYou think I\u2019m drunk, and you\u2019re looking forward to laughing at me and telling me I\u2019m just a dumb drunk what don\u2019t know nothing and can\u2019t tell the difference between fantasy and reality.\u201d He puffed. \u201cI know big words, too, stinking jerkwad!\u201d<\/p>\n
\tLacky pointed at the street. \u201cSee, there\u2019s my car.\u201d<\/p>\n
\tSure enough, there was a black 57 Chevy parked at the curb. That didn\u2019t really surprize Mudge a whole lot. Probably Lacky had regained consciousness this morning next to that car and concocted the story in his alcohol-soaked brain.<\/p>\n
\t\u201cLicense number on all of them was the same, too. Yours no doubt will be, too.\u201d He paused, then hummed. \u201cLet me think; do I remember?\u201d He paused, then grinned. \u201cI got it, now:<\/p>\n
\t\u201cBrandywein-Gander-noph slash two:<\/p>\n
\t\u201cOpen macro 376 and 371<\/p>\n
\t\u201cExecute operand 32-01235.\u201d<\/p>\n
\tIt sounded like gibberish, for the most part\u2014just random numbers and words that vaguely resembled English. Mudge was about to ask Lacky how he could remember all that when he noticed that there was a second black 57 Chevy parked at the curb.<\/p>\n
\tMudge blinked, rubbed his eyes, and then just stared.<\/p>\n
\t\u201cYou believe me now, doubting Thomas?\u201d<\/p>\n
\tMudge swallowed. \u201cUh…no.\u201d He shook his head. He wasn\u2019t drunk. He was stone cold sober. Obviously he just hadn\u2019t been paying close attention that there were two 57 Chevy\u2019s at the curb. It must have been there all along. He was tired, after all, and sleeping in the street, you just don\u2019t get the rest you really need…<\/p>\n
\t\u201cThink it was there all along, don\u2019t you. You\u2019re not so different from me. What did I tell you? We think alike. All of us on the street, we think alike. So, watch again.\u201d<\/p>\n
\tLacky repeated the phrase he\u2019d uttered before. Suddenly Mudge became aware of a third 57 Chevy.<\/p>\n
\t\u201cThis is crazy,\u201d he managed to sputter.<\/p>\n
\t\u201cI agree. And I admit: first thing I thought was that I was crazy\u2014and so did the punks I gave the keys to all those cars to. But they\u2019re real enough. I drove that one over here, slept in it last night all warm and toasty.\u201d<\/p>\n
\tMudge gaped at the three cars. Each one was perfect, and, like Lacky had said, they appeared indistinguishable, at least at first glance. Mudge slowly approached the nearest one and peared through the side window. He could see the keys dangling from the ignition. A peek in the other new car revealed the same keys. The liscence plates were identical California plates, three letters and three numbers\u2014but one digit different.<\/p>\n
\t\u201cWho\u2019re these cars registered to?\u201d<\/p>\n
\tLacky gaped like he\u2019d just been asked the annual rainfall in Timbucktu. Mudge swallowed hard, then opened the door on the first car and peered into the glove box. The registration printout and the pink slip were both in there. Not the safest state of affairs, but…he looked at the name.<\/p>\n
\t\u201cYour last name is Lack?\u201d<\/p>\n
\tLacky nodded. <\/p>\n
\u201cElwood Lack, III is you?\u201d<\/p>\n
\t\u201cWhat, you thought my parents named me Lacky? I don\u2019t believe yours named you Mudge.\u201d<\/p>\n
\t\u201cThank you, but…\u201d<\/p>\n
\t\u201cI think that when you make the car, somehow they\u2019re personalized to you.\u201d He paused.<\/p>\n
\t\u201cThe license plates aren\u2019t all the same.\u201d<\/p>\n
\t\u201cThey\u2019re not?\u201d For the first time in awhile, Lacky seemed genuinely startled. <\/p>\n
\t\u201cNope. There\u2019s one number difference between them.\u201d <\/p>\n
\tLacky ran from car to car, ducking down and staring at the license plates, then running back and looking again. \u201cWell how about that; I hadn\u2019t noticed. I thought they were all the same. Well good, I\u2019m not so worried then. I figured the DMV would get mighty confused…\u201d<\/p>\n
\t\u201cThey might still; how many homeless folks own twenty-two cars?\u201d<\/p>\n
\t\u201cGot a point there.\u201d He paused. \u201cBut this is good news. We could sell these, make some money, maybe…\u201d A light went on and his whole face lit up. \u201cWe don\u2019t got to live on the street no more.\u201d<\/p>\n
\t\u201cWe?\u201d<\/p>\n
\t\u201cYou think I\u2019d leave my best friend out of this?\u201d<\/p>\n
\t\u201cOnly friend.\u201d<\/p>\n
\t\u201cDon\u2019t be cruel.\u201d<\/p>\n
\tMudge looked back at the registration on the car, then stared at it after a double take. \u201cYou know anything about this address?\u201d he asked.<\/p>\n
\t\u201cWhat address.\u201d<\/p>\n
\t\u201cOn the registration.\u201d<\/p>\n
\t\u201cHuh?\u201d<\/p>\n
\t\u201cI don\u2019t recognize it. It\u2019s not the address for the Rescue Mission.\u201d<\/p>\n
\t\u201cI hadn\u2019t thought about that…\u201d Lacky grabbed the registration from Mudge\u2019s fingers. \u201cThis is over the other side of town.\u201d<\/p>\n
\t\u201cYou ever been there?\u201d<\/p>\n
\t\u201cI wasn\u2019t born homeless, no more than you, fancy pants. I been around.\u201d<\/p>\n
\tPalmdale was one of those places where the name it had been given didn\u2019t make much sense. Not only were there no palms, but there were no dales, either, assuming that a dale was some sort of river valley. Palmdale was tucked away on a flat plain that stretched for a fifty miles. Mountains ringed the horizon, and Palmdale itself was situated at the base of one ridgeline. But the area hardly seemed the valley it was described as. Conifers were the only trees, watered by heavy annual rain and even heavier snow during the bitterly cold winters. He\u2019d heard that in times past Palmdale had been virtually a desert, but that must have been a hundred years or more in the past. Now it was just mostly cold and wet.<\/p>\n
\tThe streets were filled with slush, which added even more stress to the already worrisome prospect of Lacky driving. Mudge still wasn\u2019t convinced that his friend was sober, let alone that after only God knew how many years of homelessness, the man still remembered how to drive\u2014if he\u2019d ever known. Despite his protestations, the homeless life seemed to fit the man way too comfortably. If he\u2019d ever had a job and lived a real life, Mudge would have been surprised.<\/p>\n
\tThey wound down crowded, dark streets, heavy buildings lifting barren walls against the sky; scraggly trees here and there scrambled to live among the concrete and brick; gray windows with gray curtains stared vacantly from the barriers. Scarcely visible above, the sky was gray still; another storm was probably on its way. In winter, they seemed to come almost without pause; only in summer would they catch a glimpse of blue, and even then, it was an event to be remarked on.<\/p>\n
\tNewer cars surrounded them, stopping and going, wheezing through the intersections. Hardly any pedestrians showed themselves on the sidewalks; all in all, it seemed like a typical weekday. For a moment he felt confused, appalled, then finally remembered: it was Tuesday.<\/p>\n
\tNot that the day of the week really mattered a hell of a lot at the moment. But it was still nice to know.<\/p>\n
\tThe current street took them to the overpass and the onramp to the freeway. Lacky got a gleam in his eye as he turned the wheel and pressed down on the accelerator. The engine roared and Mudge gripped the edges of his seat a little tighter.<\/p>\n
\tFive minutes later, they slipped down an offramp, rounded a curb, and Lacky pointed. \u201cThere, that\u2019s Acorn.\u201d<\/p>\n
\tMudge shrugged. <\/p>\n
\t\u201cNice houses, eh?\u201d<\/p>\n
\tAgain, Mudge shrugged.<\/p>\n
\t\u201cYou\u2019re a strange man, you know that?\u201d Lacky gave him a funny look. \u201cIts number….\u201d he pulled out the registration and stared at the number, then rattled it off to Mudge. \u201cDo you see it?\u201d<\/p>\n
\t\u201cWhere, what?…\u201d<\/p>\n
\t\u201cHouse numbers…on the curbs…there!\u201d Lacky shouted, then yanked the wheel sharply to the right.<\/p>\n
\tMudge yelped as the car jerked sideways. Lacky pulled against the curb and pressed the break, stopping the car with a lurch. He set the brake and shut off the motor.<\/p>\n
\t\u201cWhere\u2019d you learn to drive?\u201d Mudge finally sputtered.<\/p>\n
\t\u201cDrivers ed.\u201d<\/p>\n
\t\u201cYou took drivers ed?\u201d<\/p>\n
\t\u201cDidn\u2019t say I passed with an A.\u201d<\/p>\n
\tMudge shuddered, but decided not to press any more closely. Sometimes not knowing was the preferrable policy.<\/p>\n
\t\u201cWell, let\u2019s go check it out.\u201d\t<\/p>\n
\t\u201cWhat do you mean check it out?\u201d<\/p>\n
\tLacky gave him a funny look. \u201cWhy\u2019d you think we came here? Just for the drive? There\u2019s an extra key on this key ring, and it doesn\u2019t look like a trunk key.\u201d<\/p>\n
\t\u201cWhat are you saying?\u201d<\/p>\n
\t\u201cI think this is my house.\u201d<\/p>\n
\t\u201cThat\u2019s crazy.\u201d<\/p>\n
\t\u201cNo crazier than having a car pop out of thin air.\u201d<\/p>\n
\tMudge couldn\u2019t think of a good response to that.<\/p>\n
\t\u201cThis has to belong to someone…\u201d<\/p>\n
\t\u201cYeah, me.\u201d Lacky opened the car door and stepped out, before Mudge could say anything else. Mudge hurriedly fumbled with the doorknob, then gasped as a gust of cold air slammed into his face. As he stepped out, a cloud of mist swirled around his head, momentarily clouding his vision. Lacky was already walking up the front steps.<\/p>\n
\tThe house had two stories and it looked new; the roof was buried in a blanket of white; icecycles dangled from the edges. White stucko covered the walls, and black windows, dark drapes drawn, were silent watchers of their approach.<\/p>\n
\tMudge huffed and puffed, blowing steam as he scurried to catch up.<\/p>\n
\t\u201cYou can\u2019t just walk up to a house like this.\u201d<\/p>\n
\t\u201cIt\u2019s my house and I can do anything I want.\u201d<\/p>\n
\t\u201cYou\u2019re crazy.\u201d<\/p>\n
\tLacky didn\u2019t say anything else. He just walked right up to the front door and jammed the key into the keyhole. With a twist of his wrist, he was inside.<\/p>\n
\t\u201cLacky!\u201d cried Mudge, panicked.<\/p>\n
\tLacky closed the door.<\/p>\n
\tMudge cursed. <\/p>\n
So he rang the doorbell. At least it would alert whoever owned the house that there was a stranger around.<\/p>\n
\tSeveral seconds passed. Mudge rang the doorbell a second time, only to have the door swing open even as he was pressing.<\/p>\n
\tHe jumped back, terrified. But it was only Lacky.<\/p>\n
\t\u201cCome on, man, get out of that house before you get in trouble!\u201d exclaimed Mudge.<\/p>\n
\t\u201cIt\u2019s my house. Look.\u201d He waved an envelope at Mudge.<\/p>\n
\t\u201cWhat\u2019s that got to do with anything?\u201d<\/p>\n
\t\u201cWhose name is on this?\u201d<\/p>\n
\tMudge took it from Lacky\u2019s hand and stared at it. It bore the same name as the car registration, followed by the current property\u2019s address. Mudge didn\u2019t know what to say.<\/p>\n
\t\u201cSee, I told you so,\u201d was Lacky\u2019s response. He turned his back and disappeared into the house. Mudge followed close behind.<\/p>\n
\tThe interior showed a basic disregard for style or even taste. The yellow carpet clashed with the blue walls, as much as the blue walls clashed with anything remotely resembling pleasant. The furniture was mostly red, with an occassional green pillow tossed in just for the jarring impact.<\/p>\n
\tA fireplace on one side of the room was covered with purple tiles, while a stack of unread newspapers lay piled on the coffee table, a chrome and glass monstrosity that couldn\u2019t ever have really been called attractive.<\/p>\n
\tLacky stood in the middle of the room and spread his arms. \u201cIt\u2019s everything I ever imagined,\u201d he grinned. Mudge suddenly faced the reality that the house was Lacky\u2019s. No one else would be caught dead in it. In fact, Mudge wondered if the decor might actually be toxic…<\/p>\n
\t\u201cIs the rest of the house as bad as…uh, like this?\u201d<\/p>\n
\t\u201cI haven\u2019t checked upstairs, but the kitchen is gorgeous!\u201d<\/p>\n
\tMudge shuddered at the possibility. \u201cI suppose the refrigerator is full of fresh food, and the shelves are loaded.\u201d<\/p>\n
\t\u201cYou know, I hadn\u2019t checked…\u201d<\/p>\n
\tDespite his instincts, Mudge flopped down on the nearest chair, an overstuffed red-leather monster that mostly swallowed him. What it lacked in appearance it made up for in comfort. Mudge closed his eyes and tried to sort it all out, giving up in a moment. How could one ever make sense of any of this? It couldn\u2019t be real. Things like this were impossible, and despite everything, he knew the difference between fantasy and reality. How had he gotten himself caught up in Lacky\u2019s delusions?<\/p>\n
\tHe was dreaming or in a coma in some hospital. That was the only way to explain it. Unless he\u2019d died and this was heaven.<\/p>\n
\tThough surely heaven had better style than this.<\/p>\n
\tHell?<\/p>\n
\tToo cold, though some had been arguing of late that certain affairs perhaps indicated a freezing over of the notoriously warm abode of the evil dead.<\/p>\n
\tNo, if he were dead, surely he\u2019d remember dying. As traumatic as death surely was, the chances of forgetting the incident seemed incredible…<\/p>\n
\tBut if it weren\u2019t a dream, or a delusion, or death, then what was it? Where was the explanation for what was happening? Some sicko\u2019s perverted practical joke? Some hidden camera show, where people would all at once jump out and laugh at the poor idiot bums?<\/p>\n
\tMudge kept his eyes firmly shut. Maybe if he kept them shut long enough, it would all go away and reality would return. Maybe when he opened them he\u2019d be back in the rescue mission, or sitting on a curb somewhere sharing a bottle…<\/p>\n
\tBut he could still feel the soft leather beneath him. And then there was the clatter of Lacky returning to the living room.<\/p>\n
\t\u201cLook at this,\u201d he chortled. \u201cTwinkies!\u201d Mudge was jarred back to looking by something soft smashing against his chest. He opened his eyes to see an individually wrapped snack food lying atop him.
\n\t\u201cThis just can\u2019t be happening,\u201d he mumbled, even as his fingers began tearing at the plastic wrapper.<\/p>\n
\n\tMudge awakened slowly, the images of his dream playing themselves out against the insides of his eyelids. He was in a soft, clean and warm bed, smooth sheets and not a rough wool blanket up against his skin. <\/p>\n
\tAnd then he opened his eyes and realized the dream was real; it hadn\u2019t all disappeared in the night. The white walls and ceiling he had drifted off to were still there. The air around him was comfortable rather than freezing, and he thought he could catch a whiff of coffee brewing somewhere downstairs. He glanced to his left and saw the glowing numerals of the alarm clock. Six thirty. Early, but he felt completely rested.<\/p>\n
\tIf he was insane, Mudge had decided sometime after his supper of steak and mashed potatoes last night, then he wanted to stay insane. The questions could wait till another time, another place, another reality. He could live in the here and now make-believe if it stayed this nice.<\/p>\n
\tAnd outside of the bad decor, it was nice. Too nice. The sort of nice that had to end and become a disaster soon. He just couldn\u2019t shake the feeling that he was living in the eye of a hurricane and the trailing edge had to be bearing down on him even now.<\/p>\n
\tHe wandered downstairs. Lacky was sitting at the dining room table, still wearing his dirty old jeans and brown shirt. He grinned at Mudge. \u201cHow you feeling, man?\u201d he asked, looking up from his newspaper.<\/p>\n
\t\u201cGreat,\u201d he admitted. \u201cI still can\u2019t really believe…\u201d<\/p>\n
\t\u201cI\u2019m just going to enjoy this for however long it lasts. Might not be too long. I don\u2019t have a job, after all, so how can I keep paying a mortgage and electricity, eh? We\u2019ll both be on the street soon enough.\u201d <\/p>\n
\t\u201cSo you didn\u2019t find a wallet or a bank book upstairs.\u201d<\/p>\n
\tLacky looked up from the paper again. \u201cYou know, I didn\u2019t think to look.\u201d<\/p>\n
\t\u201cWho knows,\u201d added Mudge, \u201cMaybe you even have a job, now.\u201d<\/p>\n
\tLacky gave him a funny, almost terrified look. \u201cBut I wouldn\u2019t know where to go, what to do…I\u2019d be late for sure and\u2026and\u2026I\u2019m going to get fired…\u201d<\/p>\n
\tMudge shook his head. \u201cI wouldn\u2019t worry.\u201d<\/p>\n
\tLacky relaxed. \u201cYeah, maybe you\u2019re right.\u201d Lacky let out a sigh. \u201cThey\u2019d probably call first if I didn\u2019t show up. And then I could ask my secretary for directions…\u201d<\/p>\n
\t\u201cSo you have a secretary now?\u201d<\/p>\n
\t\u201cWhy not?\u201d <\/p>\n
Mudge rolled his eyes.<\/p>\n
\t\u201cI\u2019ll bet she\u2019s a cute young thing, wearing a miniskirt all the time and…\u201d<\/p>\n
\t\u201cThreatening to turn you in for sexual harassment.\u201d<\/p>\n
\t\u201cHer ass is what I meant,\u201d he chortled.<\/p>\n
\t\u201cThat\u2019s an old joke\u2014and I\u2019m not convinced it was ever funny.\u201d<\/p>\n
\t\u201cYou know, you\u2019re an old woman.\u201d<\/p>\n
\t\u201cAnd you\u2019re a sexist pig.\u201d<\/p>\n
\t\u201cAnd proud of it,\u201d he turned the page in his newspaper and snapped it firmly.<\/p>\n
\tGive a man a car and a house, thought Mudge, and before you know it, he\u2019s a complete jerk.<\/p>\n
\tOf course, if that\u2019s what it takes to have a house and a car, then Mudge wouldn\u2019t mind being a jerk, too. He finally broached what had been sitting on his mind since he\u2019d fallen asleep last night.<\/p>\n
\t\u201cLacky, do you suppose you could teach me…\u201d he began.<\/p>\n
\tLacky peered over the top of his paper, a suspicious quirkiness to his gaze. \u201cTeach you what? How to get a car? I already give you one.\u201d<\/p>\n
\t\u201cI want a house, too.\u201d<\/p>\n
\t\u201cIt goes with the car.\u201d<\/p>\n
\t\u201cNo, your house goes with your car, and the car you gave me, the registration is still in your name, and the address is this address. I want you to teach me the words. So I can do it myself.\u201d<\/p>\n
\t\u201cYou think you\u2019re up to that much responsibility.\u201d<\/p>\n
\t\u201cDrop dead.\u201d<\/p>\n
\tLacky grinned, then pushed a slip of paper at Mudge. \u201cI wrote it all down last night. Figured you\u2019d want it sooner or later. Even if you don\u2019t really believe it.\u201d<\/p>\n
\tMudge took the sheet, an ordinary sheet torn from a notebook, with the bluish lines that he remembered from his years in college\u2014and high school before that. He scanned the lines, and they seemed familiar, almost…<\/p>\n
\t\u201cJust make sure you do it outside,\u201d said Lacky. \u201cDon\u2019t want no silly car in my living room.\u201d<\/p>\n
\tFingering the paper, Mudge left the kitchen and walked through the front door. It was a cold and miserable day once again. Several inches of snow had fallen in the night and even now, flakes were swirling from the sky. Visibility was low; Lacky\u2019s footprints, from where he had wandered out to find the morning\u2019s paper, were even now starting to fill back in. Mudge couldn\u2019t help but wonder how he had managed to find the paper at all\u2014or why he had even bothered to look. Up until yesterday, he hadn\u2019t even been certain the man could read, let alone that Lacky would give a damn about what was going on in the world around him.<\/p>\n
\tHow long had it been since Mudge had read the paper? Did he even know who the Secretary General was? Mudge hadn\u2019t been on the streets that long. And elections were still a couple years off. It was still the same loser back in New York.<\/p>\n
\tMudge looked at the snow covered 57 Chevy in the driveway, then looked down at the paper. What the hell.<\/p>\n
\t\u201cBrandywein-Gander-noph slash two:<\/p>\n
\t\u201cOpen macro 376 and 371<\/p>\n
\t\u201cExecute operand 32-01235,\u201d he muttered.<\/p>\n
\tTo his shock, a black 57 Chevy suddenly appeared at the curb. It was snow free, and looked as if it had just driven off a showroom floor. The falling snow quickly began to dust it.<\/p>\n
\tMudge whistled, then staggered across the lawn and pulled open the driver\u2019s door. He took the keys from the ignition, then pulled the registration from the glove box.<\/p>\n
\t\u201cDrew Mudgeford,\u201d was written across the top of the page. Beneath it, was a familiar address: his apartment that he\u2019d been evicted from. So much for a fancy new house.<\/p>\n
\tSo did that mean?… Mudge looked back at the house behind him. Lacky had fallen a long way, if this was how he used to live, before…<\/p>\n
\tMudge shut his eyes, feeling the world spin. This was Lacky\u2019s old house; no wonder the clothes fit him so well, and no wonder he knew how to get here. But…it still didn\u2019t explain how…nothing explained how. Not the cars, not the house, not the words on the paper. Why the old addresses, why a return to the way things were simply by calling on the gods or whatever to create black 57 Chevrolets?<\/p>\n
\tHe slipped the keys into his pocket and slunk back into the house.<\/p>\n
\n\t\u201cTruisms seem to go right over your head,\u201d Lacky was gabbing at him, between bites of his lunch. It seemed that about all the man was doing now was eating.<\/p>\n
\t\u201cYou mean about looking a gift horse in the mouth?\u201d<\/p>\n
\t\u201cExactly. Why you worry about it all? Just accept it and be glad however long it lasts. Hey man, nothing\u2019s forever, but if you always live in tomorrow you don\u2019t never enjoy nothing today. You warm right now? You got food? You comfortable? Then why you grousing about what might happen. You don\u2019t know tomorrow and fearing what might be just keeps you from enjoying what is.\u201d<\/p>\n
\t\u201cYou just don\u2019t get it, do you?\u201d<\/p>\n
\tLacky was shaking his head and chuckling.<\/p>\n
\t\u201cIt\u2019s no wonder you\u2019re on the street; you never planned, never anticipated…\u201d<\/p>\n
\t\u201cAnd all your worrying did so much for you, I see.\u201d<\/p>\n
\tMudge sputtered. <\/p>\n
\t\u201cI don\u2019t have the college education you have, but I did graduate from high school. Surprised? You never have asked about me or my life, you know. All the time I\u2019ve known you, you done nothing but talk about yourself and your education and how you got screwed by the mayor\u2019s cutbacks to the libraries. But you never asked me nothing about myself, just jabbered on and on. Well, I\u2019m not the dumb fuck you take me for. I was an electrician, made good money, steady work. But my wife and daughter, they died in a car wreck because a fucking drunk got behind the wheel of his car and killed them. Ironic, isn\u2019t it? A moron gets drunk and kills my family, and what do I do? I start drinking and next thing you know I\u2019m just a fucking drunk too without nothing and nobody.\u201d He paused. \u201cAt least up till yesterday I didn\u2019t have a car, so at least I couldn\u2019t kill nobody.\u201d He paused, looked down at his hands. \u201cBut you know something? I haven\u2019t had a drink since I made that car appear, and I haven\u2019t really missed it. Now isn\u2019t that strange?\u201d<\/p>\n
\tMudge scratched his head.\t<\/p>\n
\t\u201cMaybe I should get a job,\u201d he muttered. \u201cI was good at it, and I still got it…\u201d He looked around. \u201cYou know, the demons don\u2019t seem to be living here no more.\u201d<\/p>\n
\t\u201cThis was your house.\u201d<\/p>\n
\t\u201cYou figured that out, did you? Your car you made got your old address on the registration, too, I suppose?\u201d<\/p>\n
\tMudge nodded.<\/p>\n
\t\u201cThink we\u2019re being given a chance to redeem ourselves, set things right again?\u201d<\/p>\n
\t\u201cLike something out of a tear-jerky made for TV melodrama?\u201d<\/p>\n
\t\u201cYeah, like Twilight Zone…\u201d<\/p>\n
\tMudge shook his head. \u201cYou\u2019re a real work of art, you know that?\u201d <\/p>\n
\tLacky just grinned.<\/p>\n
\tThe doorbell ringing made them both jump. Mudge spat at Lacky. \u201cSee, what\u2019d I tell you. There are the cops and they\u2019re going to arrest us now.\u201d<\/p>\n
\t\u201cFor what?\u201d<\/p>\n
\tMudge sputtered. \u201cGrand theft auto, breaking and entering…we\u2019ll be spending the rest of our days in jail and it\u2019s all your fault.\u201d<\/p>\n
\t\u201cReally now?\u201d Lacky grinned and stood up. \u201cLet\u2019s go greet our doom at the door, then, why don\u2019t we?\u201d<\/p>\n
\tMudge wanted to find the back door and escape, but, like a dumb animal in the slaughterhouse, he followed docily behind Lacky.<\/p>\n
\tNo wonder he was a homeless failure.<\/p>\n
\tThe man at the door did not look like a police officer. In fact, he didn\u2019t look like anything more than a salesman: middle-aged, dark hair, dark suit and tie, very conservative with no facial hair; the hair on his head was reminiscent of the Moe style from the Three Stooges; he also wore a dark gray hat. Mudge stared at him, startled. Where were the police?<\/p>\n
\t\u201cHmmm…\u201d said the man at the door. \u201cYou\u2019re not what I would have expected.\u201d<\/p>\n
\t\u201cCan I help you?\u201d asked Lacky, taking the initiative.<\/p>\n
\t\u201cI\u2019d rather not have to listen to you talk,\u201d said the man at the door, waving his arm in a strange way and then rattling off a serious of what seemed to be nonsense syllables.<\/p>\n
\tMudge suddenly found himself unable to move a muscle; it was like that time he\u2019d awakened and found his whole body paralized for a few seconds, a rare occurance that he\u2019d learned could be explained by the fact that when you slept, your body disconnected itself from your brain to some extent so that you wouldn\u2019t hurt yourself when you dreamed. But this wasn\u2019t a dream, though it had certain similarities.<\/p>\n
\tThe stranger strolled past them into the house. Mudge could hear him stomping around behind, making grunting noises and snuffling in an affected and disgusted sort of manner, as if what he saw fulfilled his limited expectations.<\/p>\n
\t\u201cYou know, you\u2019re lucky you didn\u2019t hurt anyone,\u201d said the stranger, returning to where Mudge and Lacky could see him. \u201cDo you have any idea what a foolish thing you did?\u201d<\/p>\n
\tOf course, neither Lacky nor Mudge could respond, their muscles being frozen into immobility. It took the stranger a moment to remember that. \u201cOh yeah,\u201d he mumbled, then louder: \u201cBackus landis forthwith; reverse back loose it now; forthwith.\u201d<\/p>\n
\tAs suddenly as it had come upon them, the paralysis vanished.<\/p>\n
\t\u201cWhat is the meaning of this?\u201d sputtered Lacky as soon as his mouth was free to flap.<\/p>\n
\t\u201cI should ask you the same question,\u201d said the stranger, jabbing his finger at Lacky. He opened his jacket pocket and pulled out a small notebook. \u201cElwood Lack, III, forty-nine, computer programmer, and currently unemployed and homeless. You spend most of your time at the Palmdale Rescue Mission. There are twenty-four black 57 Chevrolets floating about in the city, four of which were involved in criminal activity in the last ten hours.\u201d A pause. \u201cHense, my presence here.\u201d<\/p>\n
\t\u201cNow wait a minute. I ain\u2019t done nothing criminal…\u201d began Lacky.<\/p>\n
\t\u201cI\u2019m not accusing you, Mr. Lack. But your actions contributed to the delinquincy of others, and their deliquincy, and the police inquiries have brought things to our attention. What did you think you were doing, anyway, making twenty-four copies of the same exact car? What do you need with so many cars, even if they were all different? And how did you expect to pay the registration on all of them?\u201d He sighed. \u201cNot to worry; your excess has been corrected.\u201d He paused to chew on his lower lip. \u201cNow you sir,\u201d he turned and looked at Mudge. \u201cYou are a puzzle. Who are you and what is your business with Mr. Lack?\u201d<\/p>\n
\t\u201cHe\u2019s my friend,\u201d said Lacky. \u201cAnd he has a 57 Chevy, too.\u201d<\/p>\n
\t\u201cDoes he now? And how would he have gotten one? You gave him one of yours?\u201d<\/p>\n
\t\u201cOkay, so he has two. But the other one, he got the same way I got mine.\u201d<\/p>\n
\tThe stranger blanched. \u201cYou, too?\u201d <\/p>\n
\tMudge nodded.<\/p>\n
\t\u201cThis is very irregular, then. The situation is much worse than we feared.\u201d He sucked a deep breath through his nose and let it out slowly. \u201cThis will not be so easy to rectify. What\u2019s your name?\u201d<\/p>\n
\t\u201cHis name is Mudge\u2014uh, Drew Mudgeworth.\u201d<\/p>\n
\tThe stranger persed his lips, then whipped out his phone and poked at it. \u201cYou were a librarian?\u201d he asked after a moment.<\/p>\n
\tMudge nodded.<\/p>\n
\t\u201cHmmm…\u201d<\/p>\n
\t\u201cWhat, hmmm?\u201d<\/p>\n
\t\u201cHuh? Oh. Well, there\u2019s nothing else to do about it then.\u201d<\/p>\n
\t\u201cWhat\u2019s your name?\u201d asked Lacky, suddenly.<\/p>\n
\t\u201cWhat?\u201d The stranger looked startled again. \u201cThat\u2019s really of no importance.\u201d He paused.<\/p>\n
\t\u201cSo then I can just call you Dickweed?\u201d <\/p>\n
The stranger swallowed, a slight flash of annoyance coloring his face. \u201cThat\u2019s enough of that. First, we must return things to the way they were\u2014except for the four cars that the police have impounded. Nothing we can do about them.\u201d He shook his head. \u201cNot good, but not completely a problem. You know, if Eldridge had only been more careful, you wouldn\u2019t have to go through all of this.\u201d<\/p>\n
\t\u201cEldridge?\u201d asked Lacky.<\/p>\n
\t\u201cWhom you learned this handy little phrase from. Not that he\u2019ll get in any sort of trouble.\u201d The stranger tapped on his phone and looked dissatisfied; in fact, his face seemed to relax into a dissatisfied shape naturally. Then he cleared his throat.<\/p>\n
\t\u201cBrandywein-Gander-noph slash two:<\/p>\n
\t\u201cOpen macro 376 and 371<\/p>\n
\t\u201cUnexecute operand 32-01235 (minus 87, 89, 93 and 53).\u201d<\/p>\n
\tThe house twisted once around them, then flashed, as if someone had taken a picture. Instantly, the walls, the floor, the furniture in all its glorious tackiness was gone. In its place, normal off-white walls, gray carpet and rather attractive modern furnishings appeared. Also, and perhaps most disturbingly, a woman in her mid-fifties was suddenly about three feet from all of them. Her eyes went wide, followed by her mouth, which released a shocking scream.<\/p>\n
\t\u201cOh shit,\u201d said the stranger.<\/p>\n
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Send to Kindle<\/span><\/div>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"First chapter of a novel I’m currently rewriting is below; it is a fantasy novel: Hacker’s Apprentice Chapter One Shoving his hands in his pockets, he shambled away. His breath left great puffs of steam in the air, as snowflakes … Continue reading