For most of my life I\u2019ve found it very difficult to tell people no. No matter how busy I might be, I seem to always want to help my friends or family if they need something done. When I was in college I discovered the hard way that saying no is sometimes the right thing to do. <\/p>\n
\tBack in the dark ages before computers, we used these large bulky and noisy devices called typewriters. I had come to college with a nice electric one and I made it a point to get my papers done early so that I would not have to stay up late the night before, unlike so many of my fellow classmates. Toward the end of the first semester of my freshman year, I was quite proud of myself for having my paper for biology class done a week early. I congratulated myself on how I\u2019d get a good night\u2019s sleep while I listened with little empathy to the other students moaning about how they were going to have to pull \u201call nighters\u201d in order to get their papers done. <\/p>\n
\tOne of my classmates had asked me to type up his biology paper for him. I offered this to my friends for a nominal fee, far below the going rate, more as a favor than as a means for generating income. He assured me he\u2019d have the paper to me early in the afternoon a day before it was due. I typed fast, so it wouldn\u2019t take me much more than an hour, if that, to type up his ten page paper, with footnotes and bibliography. <\/p>\n
\tUnfortunately, I discovered that this particular friend was a procrastinator. He gave me the first four pages of his handwritten paper about eight o\u2019clock the night before it was due, assuring me as he gave them to me that he\u2019d have the rest to me within an hour. <\/p>\n
\tHah.<\/p>\n
\tHis optimistic pronouncement was inaccurate. Instead, he delivered the paper to me a page at a time, dropping off the last sheet about four in the morning. <\/p>\n
\tInstead of getting a good night\u2019s sleep, I very nearly ended up pulling a dreaded \u201call nighter,\u201d catching an hour here and there as I awaited each page\u2019s delivery.<\/p>\n
\tFrom then on, for any future papers, I insisted that he give me the entire thing, not page by page\u2014and he had to have it in to me by six PM the night before it was due or I simply wouldn\u2019t type it for him. I had learned to say no, at least to him, from that night on. <\/p>\n
\tHe actually didn\u2019t ask me to type papers for him very often, as a consequence. But I got a lot more sleep.<\/p>\n
\tThe lesson to sometimes say no didn’t really stick. After college, I\u2019ve generally said yes to my friends and family members who request help from me. I\u2019ve frequently helped people move, a task that I positively despise, whether it is moving an entire house or just helping someone relocate a refrigerator. I\u2019ve helped people install various electronic gadgets, from televisions to stereo systems to new computers. I’ve even built new computers or cobbled together machines from random scattered parts.<\/p>\n
\tA few years ago, I helped my wife\u2019s parents do some more renovations on their house, which included installing new ceramic tiles in their bathroom and laundry room. One very long weekend, I pulled up the old linoleum in their upstairs bathroom in preparation for eventually installing tile in it. That same weekend I also replaced the corroded valves under their bathroom sink, and I replaced the old sink with a nice new one. This required removing the old sink, its pipes and its faucets. Then I had to cut the opening in the fake marble top to accommodate the new sink, since it was a couple inches bigger around than the old sink. I quickly found myself and the bathroom coated with white plastic dust.<\/p>\n
\tMuch of the weekend\u2019s labor consisted of trying to find the parts and tools in my in-laws’ messy garage, or making trips to Home Depot to pick up what they hadn\u2019t already purchased. Late that Sunday night, still dirty and smelly, I finally left for home just moments after I had finished with the sink. I had a two hour drive ahead of me.<\/p>\n
\tWithin moments of walking through my front door–still coated with white plastic dust and wanting nothing more than to take a shower–the telephone rang.<\/p>\n
\tOn the other end of the phone was a friend who was having trouble with her computer: it had gotten infected with a bit of malware that was blocking her ability to install a new anti-virus program. I spent about a half hour on the phone diagnosing things and finally told her to bring it by in the morning. This despite the fact that at the time I was under deadline for a book. Only then, did I finally get my shower.<\/p>\n
\tMonday morning, after about an hour\u2019s work, I was able to solve her problem and get rid of the virus in her computer. <\/p>\n
\tIf I know I can fix something, or do something, to help someone, I\u2019m generally not willing to say no. Besides, I still managed to work on my book and I remained on schedule. Despite rarely telling people no, I still somehow always get my own work done on time. Showers and sleep, however, are another thing. Perhaps someday I’ll learn to say no. Probably about the time I learn how to overcome feeling guilty from knowing I could help someone and then turning them down.<\/p>\n
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